Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is the high leading the old right now
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
