Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
