ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
