WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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