It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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