Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
