Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
two words...techno handjob
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Damn victory sex feels great
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
