i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
