im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have demons in me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
