Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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