One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
