you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you would pick up someone in the library
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
