I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
