If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
