Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
