Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
