Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
