I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
