i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
