im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
