Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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