at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't deserve a penis
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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