she was so not down for the gang bang
Please, let me fuck your mom
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
