im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
