Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
