Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
