i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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