It's a beautiful day for a hangover
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That accounts for only three of the penises
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
