well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
