I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
