I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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