Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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