wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
