Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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