He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
