I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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