Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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