yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
