Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
