Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
