I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.