I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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