I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
