The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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