Apparently you make a good broom.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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