dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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