I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
