Yo dont text me then not text me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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