Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
