I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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