I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
