Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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