Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it was like eating out sand paper
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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