All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
