You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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