**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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