I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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