If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
