I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dicks are not precious.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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