I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
