Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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