Tell her she can't have a vagina
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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