one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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