Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
