My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
