I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
