Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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