Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
