I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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