Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
