Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize