wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
